Saturday, May 4, 2013

Reading Tea Leaves in the Bottom of a Cracked Pot; The Dregs from the 2013 Montana Legislature

Nancy Ballance, Bob Lake, Rick Hill and the bullet-riddled “Obama Presidential Library”   Ravalli County Memorial Day Parade, 2012

The 2013 Montana Legislature is over and there are lessons we can learn, especially if you’re a fortuneteller, like I am.

It’s easy to be a fortuneteller, or at least it’s not rocket-science. I can teach you how to do it. 

Here’s how. Just look for clarity. You can find it anywhere, but in this case let’s look for it in the bottom of the the 2013 Montana Legislature, the cracked teapot where the dregs that passed for reasonable debate in Helena this year settled. 

Clarity in the dregs, you ask? Of course. Simply observe how the various strands of tea settle on top of each other, which strands dominate, which submit. Use your intuition if you wish, but you don’t have to. It’s pretty damn clear in the case of the 2013 Montana Legislature, which is what we fortunetellers love. Clarity. It makes us look good.

Are you ready? Let’s give it try. Any cracked teapot will do, but let’s do use the 2013 Montana Legislature, since it’s so handy, and they’re done with it anyways. No argument there? O.K. Now give that glop at the bottom a good, thoughtful look. It’s pretty clear, isn’t it? Look at which strands float to the top and dominate, and which strands submit. Think, but don’t think too much. They didn’t. Are you ready for your fortune, Montana. Here it is:

Paranoia Strikes Deep.

Look at the strands. They're like animal tracks. They don't lie.
  • We must have more guns, but we must have less healthcare
  • We must preserve our god-given right to self-preservation through firepower, with no correlating god-given right to self-preservation through affordable healthcare.
  • We must preserve our sacred right to own enough massive firepower to kill and maim hundreds of people at a whim, but we must not have any correlating sacred right to heathcare.
  • If you can’t afford it, you don’t deserve it. It's quite clear, this maxim applies to both guns and healthcare, and is god-given.
  • A gun shop owner’s feelings are more important than the feelings of a mother whose six-year-old child was gunned down in school by a card-carrying N.R.A. member with an assault rifle that his "sport-shooting" mom had safely tucked away in her closet.
  • We have the right to preserve our personal selves with guns and more guns, but the planet that preserves us all can bloody well go to hell.
Look across the mountains this morning into the next day and your kids’ futures. If you still believe that Montana is the best place to raise them on the face of the Earth you’ve seen so far, you’re right.

But consider, as you read the dregs of the 2013 Montana Legislature, the severe fault lines separating reality from the wicked ideology displayed in Helena this session and how that thoroughly-avoidable crack is going to shape your kids’ futures along with our Big Skies.

And take heed the warning gifted us by the majority of Montana’s state legislators who, with due diligence, said the following to you and yours:

"Your kids matter less than our guns."

Paranoia strikes deep. That’s your fortune, Montana. You’re welcome.

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